I Like To Carry Around Toilet Paper So I Can Wipe People With It. They Go “What’re You Doin?” I Say “You’re Bein’ A Butthole! And Thats What I Do To Buttholes, I Wipe ‘Em! Watchout, I’ll Wipe You Out!”
Example Of An Old Wives Tale: If You Crack Your Knuckles, You’ll Get Arthritis Example Of An Old Man’s Tale: He Banged 3 Broads In One Night!
Archaeologists Found Cave Drawings, They Were Circular. They Thought They Might Be Important, So They Asked An Expert “Its Boobs, Yup, Just Boobs”
I Like To Hold Cookie Cutters Up To My But When I Poop, Tons Of Fun, Picture That. It’s Tons Of Fun To Picture That.
I’m A Bit Eccentric. Every Now And Then I Find Myself Explaining Why I’m So Weird. “Oh Yeah.. You Know How Some Kids Get Dropped On Their Heads? I Did A Cartwheel Into A Lamp. Had To Get Stitches. They Made Me Wear Barney Pjs, I Was Like Noooo, I Want Ninja Turtles!”
My First Girlfriend Was A Rock My Second Was My Left Hand My Friend Says “Those Aren’t Girlfriends!” I Said They Were Definitely Feminine, And Pleasant Towards Me. And We Fooled Around. What Other Criteria Needs To Be Met?
I Eat Toilet Paper, So When I Poop, It Wipes Automatically
Get It In Writing Then Change The Writing
I Wrote “Balloon, Straw, Butt, Doesn’t Work.” What Did I Do!? Oh Yeah, If You Put A Straw In The End Of A Balloon, And The Other End Of The Straw In Your Butt... Doesn’t Work.... Oh Yeah, I Think I Was Supposed To Fart... Maybe It Does Work?
I Saw A Product Called "Wet Ones" I Thought It Was For When You Had A Wet One But It Just Made It More Wet
I Like To Tell People You Know What You Need To Do You Need To Do? Get Some Scissors And Nip That Turd At The Butt You Need To Cut That Shit Out!
I Also Like To Tell People You Know What? Ever Since I Met You, My Craps Keep Gettin' Bigger And Bigger, Must Be From All The Shit You Give Me!
Some People Have Balls Of Steel, That Can't Be Good For Your Scrotum
Its Funny To Go Around And Unplug Things, Then When People Go To Turn It On, They're Like "Why Won't It Turn On?" And You Can Just Be Like "What An Idiot, Its Not Even Plugged In"
I Like To Put Signs On Public Restrooms That Read: Do Not Disturb: Masturbation In Progress Its Funny To Watch People Come Out And Disturbing To See Them Go In “Hey, It Doesn’t Say Help Wanted!”
Ever Take A Dump, And It Stands Up Right Under You, And Your Like "Oh No, I Hope It Doesn't Pile Up And Push Me Off The Seat!" The Solution: Stand Over The Toilet Bowl
Why Do They Call It Blow Job? That Makes It Sound Like Work. They Should Call It A Calcium Meal. Honey, Have You Had Your Calcium Meal Yet Today? I Don't Think You Have! That Way They Know They're Supposed To Swallow, Don't Waste Nutrients!
Some People Have Gender Dysphoria, So They Get A Sex Change, But What About Nationality Dysphoria? When Is Someone Gonna Invent A Race Change. I Feel Like An Asian Trapped In A White Persons Body! Make My Skin Yellow And Take An Inch Or Two Off My Wang. And Improve My Math Skills While You're At It. Heck, Improve My Skills At Everything.
Sitting On Washing Machines... Isn't That How Girls Masturbate? Thats Why They Like To Do Laundry. But Seriously, I Actually Read That Some Women Get More Pleasure From Cleaning And Household Chores Than From Sex... Apparently Thats How Bad Most Men Are At Sex. Good Job Guys. Where'd You Learn That? Porn? Thats Not Real.
Some Poetry: Smashed Assholes Polar Opposite, Beautiful
I Came Up With A Riddle, What Is The Lack Of A Crack? Pants Pulled Up
When Your Younger You Think "Oh He's Got Boyish Charm" When Your Older You Realize "Oh No, I Married A Man-Child!"
I Have An Average Sized Wiener. Just Kidding, Its Slightly Above Average Take That Normies!